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The Tampa Bay Rays' Matt Garza threw a no-hitter against the Tigers last night. It was the fifth no-hitter this season, or the sixth if you count Heidi Montag's album.

Alberto Contador won his third Tour de France yesterday. That means just four more Tour de France wins and Contador gets a date with Sheryl Crow.

A crane fell on a New Jersey Olive Garden restaurant. [Oh, waiter -- there's heavy machinery in my lasagna.]

Rumor has it that American Idol producers want Jessica Simpson to be a judge. Apparently they want someone like Paula Abdul, but not so cerebral.

Some are estimating Chelsea Clinton's wedding will cost $2-million. Well, Bill does like to eat.

Paris and Nicky Hilton are on a yacht off the coast of Sardinia. Can someone explain: when they go on a vacation like that, what are they on vacation from?

Jennifer Aniston has launched her new perfume at Harrod's in London this week. I don’t know it’s name but I’m guessing it’s not called "Dumped." (or Pittless)

Text messages have surfaced that Mel Gibson sent to his girlfriend. They say Mel is in real trouble now because he sent the texts while he was driving.

English is such a tricky language. Kindling is what you use to start a fire, not starting a fire using a Kindle. Lesson learned.

A new study says that having a cat makes you 40 percent less likely to die of a heart attack... unless, of course, you're a dog.

Congress passed a sweeping new financial reform law to regulate banks and Wall Street. They say the new laws will have nearly as big an impact on the American economy as Tiger Woods' divorce settlement.

Another 4th of July, another year of pet tranquilizers. Gotta remember next year to give them to the pet, too.

The whole Lebron thing last night…geez, how self indulgent…and when Chris Harrison came out with a tray full of roses, I thought I was going to lose it.

A 29-year-old Georgia man held his mother hostage at gunpoint for six hours because… she refused to iron his shirts. He lives with his parents and won't iron his own shirts because he thinks ironing is women's work. [Apparently, he's never heard of Iron Man.]

Kim Kardashian was on hand for the unveiling of a Kim Kardashian wax figure at Madame Tussaud's in New York. She wore a carnation so you could tell them apart.

A New Zealand researcher claims that he has proof that fish talk to other fish. For example, one said to the other, "Boy, that Lindsay Lohan sure drinks like us!"

Lindsay Lohan's parents say that jail is just too harsh for their daughter. This coming from the twins of discipline.

The gulf oil leak continues…you know it’s kind of like having a teenager with his own room: months can go by and you're still wondering if it will ever get cleaned up.

Dawn has sent 7,000 bottles of their product to the Gulf to clean oiled birds. The tough part is getting them into a dishwasher.

Sarah Palin says she tried pot… And after trying pot, she was able to see Cheech 'n Chong from her front porch.

Kate Gosselin is being considered to star on "The Bachelorette." It'll be the first time in show history that the contestants will compete to be voted off.

 

Friday Festivities Online is a collection of some of the humor
from the radio feature, Friday afternoons at 5pm.